Well, I am sure it is the beginning of a million comments that I will hear in regards to Max, and I know I will get a backbone and less emotional as time goes on, but it AMAZES me what people will let come flying out of their mouths!!! We laugh and say these people forgot to put their filter in...the one that filters out all the stupid, non PC, insensitive things that they say.
Two examples, the first not a big deal and didn't upset me. The second that upset me immensely, more than I could have imagined!
A few weeks ago at a birthday party, one of the moms who doesn't know about Max's LP status said "WOW!! he's 2/12 months!! He's so little!" But she said it with the tone in her voice of "what is wrong with him??" I just shrugged and, at this age, felt no need to explain. Now what she said was not bad at all, but the tone she said it in implied something was wrong with him...I would never say anything like that to someone. She clearly left her filter at home that day.
The second example really upset me. We were at the opening of the new hospital in our area and I was talking with a woman who had known my husbands family for years, mostly politically but socially as well. I had met her many times over the years. She was adoring little Max, who was hanging off the front of me in the Chicco carrier. He was full of smiles for her and was so attentive. We got to talking about having kids and how many and she brought up the Dugger Family with 19 kids. We were wondering how anyone can afford 19 kids and she said that being on TV probably helps a lot. Then we briefly mentioned Jon and Kate Plus 8 as well. I then said (honestly thinking she may already know about Max's conditions) "that TLC has some really good programs on, like that Little People Big World." and she said (I can honestly feel the venom rising up inside of my chest right now as I remember how I felt when she said it....deep breaths!!)...so she said "Oh, the show about the midgets. Oh, I know they don't like being called that..." so I, stunned, put my hands gently over Max's head (who is now sleeping looking so angelic laying on my chest in the carrier) and say "well, you know, Max is a little person.....and, although I was unaware of this before I had Max, they Little People community really finds that word to very degrading...." She looks oblivious, gets accidently bumped from somebody behind us and joins their conversation...No, "gee I'm sorry to have said something so insensitive" or, "excuse me while I pull my foot out of my mouth"....I honestly think she is one of those people who just says what she wants and doesn't have a clue!!! And I say, KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE!! If you find it necessary to say something negative, (which we should all NOT DO!!) at least make sure you are not insulting the person you are talking to!!! So, there I am, standing in the middle of about 100 people crammed into the center of the new hospital lobby and I am uncontrollably upset. Eric was standing by me but was not privy to any of that conversation. I had to excuse myself and rush out of the room. It would have been one thing if she had just used the word midget...but to follow it up with "I know THEY don't like to be called that"...Like 'THEY' are a disease...AND if you KNOW that, than DON'T use the word!! Unfortunately, this is an individual that will probably NEVER get it. I do give myself credit for educating her about why NOT to use that word. She clearly forgot to put her filter in!!...
I was so upset about this and I know, in time, I will get used to the comments and the stares but I'm sure it will still hurt. But honestly, thus far, the absolute majority of the people who I have told about Max have been so supportive and wonderful. Our family and friends are so excited to know a Little Person and to meet other wonderful people they may have never had the opportunity to meet before Max. Max is such a blessing!
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3 comments:
I have NEVER encountered someone so rude in my lifetime, let alone Preston's. Perhaps I come off a little bit bitchy to those who don't know me? I don't know. She is obviously the world's most ignorant person-wait now I remember-once I was at a home show here in VA (this never happened in New York) and I was watching one of those videos of people uilding a house, except they sped up the video so the house builds in a minute. Some guy nudges me and says "Wow-that's why we need Mexicans." I was so STUNNED that I turned to him, with a smile on my face, cocked my head to the side and said, "Wow, could you be any more ignorant?" I was so angry and I have no Mexican or Spanish in me but was so pissed someone would say that to me. So just realize there are some people who will never be educated.
Max is adorable. You don't need garbage like that poisoning his young mind anyway. I also get upset if I hear the word midget but I think people do not realize it's offensive. You done good Mama!
Wow, I am proud of you! You educated an ignorant and you did not make a spiteful remark which I would probably do! I have Amelia for 9 months now and luckily have not encountered any person of this sort and I know that sooner or later I will... that is why I like to read how other, smart people like you, are handling the issue.... I just do not believe that some people are worthy us educating them. Just raise above and wish them all the best. Believe me, ignorance and bigotry can make ones life miserable! Max will always be loved, wonderful, precious. To you and many, many people around him! All the best!
Michelle, Maria sent me the link to your blog. First Max, like all of your kiddos, is gorgeous (love his little grin in the last picture)!
Second great post. I love the filter concept. I am beginning to think there might be a greater shortage of those filters than the H1N1 vaccine!
As an adoptive family with multi race/ethnic children and soon a CL/CP child we tend to draw attention and far too many "unfiltered' comments. At first I tried to ignore the hurt, then I tried to educate them. In the end I realized that knowing my audience and their intent and willingness to learn was critical. Some people can't/won't learn and I have no time to waste on these sorts. For the ignorant MINORITY my priority is to protect my child. For those who simply don't know what is PC but are open to learn I will take the time to teach them.
Like you I am proud of my family. I like how we look and I LOVE who we are. If people want to respectfully and considerately learn more about us well hoo-rah but if you just want to be nosy, critical or mean get ready to meet a mama lioness!
Congratulations again on the arrival of your beautiful son!
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